Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
