dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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