I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you had me at cake vodka
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
