Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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