Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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