I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
