Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
