Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
