piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
