hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize