With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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