dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
