you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
