things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When did angry sex become our thing?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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