You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
