as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
