you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just had sex bonerless
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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