Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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