I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
