Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
