Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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