wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
