My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
