It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
