I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
