Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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