guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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