So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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