dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
