he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
