Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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