I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
