I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
