note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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