If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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