You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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