you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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