We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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