she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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