Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
