Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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