just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
