He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
