I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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