Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
