I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
