Your face is a jimmy john
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
