is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
