one two three fourrrrnication!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
