Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will pee on everything he values.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
