he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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