I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
