I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
