But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
